


Ren

by saltedolives



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Drama, Gen, Melodrama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22051072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltedolives/pseuds/saltedolives
Summary: The story of Ren Amamiya before he moved to Shibuya, in which he lives in Inaba.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

Ren wasn’t really sure what he did wrong. One moment, he was playing at the local playground with his classmates, and the next he was standing in front of his mother in the dark house. His mother was furious. 

What did he do?

“Let’s play together, Ren!” Ren looked up from the sand he was running through his fingers. His classmate, Suzuki, was knelt down in front of him. Her hair was in little neat pigtails that poked out of her sunhat. She gestured to her friends standing near the slide. “We want to play pirates, but we need a captain. Do you want to be the captain? Pleeeease?”

Ren stood up and brushed the sand off his sweater. “Sure!” he said with a big smile, and the other kids cheered. He pulled off his sweater and tied it onto a big stick, making a flag. The slide was their ship. They battled sea monsters, other pirates, found treasure, and saved the princess. “Yaaar!!” Ren yelled as he slid down the slide, holding an imaginary sword. The other kids followed. More and more kids began to join until they had an army of pirates. They could take over the world. 

“What are you playing?” Another kid approached, another classmate of Ren’s. Yozo. Ren paused, wary of Yozo’s grin. He towered over Ren and the rest of the kids, despite being the same age.

Suzuki made her way to the front, next to Ren. “We’re playing pirates! Do you want to play too?” She beamed. Yozo frowned. 

“Pirates are lame. They’re stupid and ugly. Like you!” He jeered. 

“Th-that’s not true!” Suzuki sputtered. “Pirates are cool! Like Luffy!” 

Yozo scoffed. “You’re an otaku! Lame-o!” With fat fists, he grabbed each of Suzuki’s pigtails in each of his hands. Suzuki cried in pain. “Pirates don’t even have stupid pigtails like this! Maybe I can take them off for you!” He pulled at the pigtails, and Suzuki shrieked. The other children shrunk, backing away from the terrible sight. 

Ren looked for any adults, but they seemed to be unaware of what was happening. “Stop it!” He yelled. “Let go!”

Yozo laughed and only pulled harder. Suzuki began to cry. Ren, anger bubbling to the surface, did what the superheroes he saw on the TV do. He punched Yozo as hard as he could in the rib. 

“OW!!” Yozo let go of Suzuki, who whimpered as she crawled away. Ren’s knuckles stung, but he stood his ground.

“That was mean, Yozo!” he yelled. Yozo was bent over, groaning. 

“You jerk! You hit me!” Yozo whined. He began to cry, and he ran to his mom. Ren watched from afar as the mom looked at Ren, then Yozo, and as she strode over to Ren’s own mother, who was reading on the bench. He could see his mother’s furious eyes from there. She stormed to the playground, clutching Ren’s arm painfully. 

“Where’s your sweater!” she demanded. 

“On the stick…” he said. His mother ripped the sweater off the stick. 

“We’re going home,” she said.

“But--”

“Ren, do  _ not  _ test me!” his mother tugged at his arm, but Ren fought back. He wanted to make sure Suzuki was okay. He could see her, wide-eyed, in the group of still kids watching things unfold. Her hair was frazzled, but she seemed okay.

“Ren!” his mother yelled. Ren gave up and followed his mother home. 

His mother was a sour woman. She only seemed to notice Ren when he was in trouble, which he was in now. 

When they got home, his mother immediately sat on a kitchen chair. The Talk chair. Ren stood in front of her, like he always did when he was in trouble. His mother pinched the bridge of her nose. Her hair had unraveled from her bun, and was unruly, in the same way Ren’s hair was. 

“How many times do we have to tell you to stop picking fights with other kids, Ren?” she asked. Her eyes burned into Ren’s. “I am sick and tired of you bullying these kids. You need to stop!” 

“I wasn’t--”

“Oh, what now? Are you going to give an excuse, like you always do?” his mother sighed. 

“There wasn’t any other way!” Ren yelled. His mother scoffed. 

“Please. Stop lying, Ren. I don’t think your father and I raised you to lie.” She sighed again. “Is there anything we can do to make you stop bullying? You’re hurting the kids.” 

Ren smoldered. “I wasn’t bullying Yozo. He was hurting Suzuki, and he wouldn’t stop!” He felt tears sting his nose. 

“Then why was Suzuki fine, but Yozo was hurt?” 

“Suzuki was hurt! You just didn’t see!” Ren shouted. 

“Did you just... talk back to me?” his mother hissed. “That’s it. Go to your room.”

Ren opened his mouth to retort, but his mother was already ignoring him. He stomped up the stairs, and slammed the door to his room shut. They never listened. 

Ren sat at the foot of the door, contemplating on what he should do. He could run away. He could call the police. But...maybe his mother was just tired. It had been a long week. They hadn’t seen his father all month, and it was getting to her. Ren slowly opened the door and tiptoed back to the stairs to apologize. 

He crept along the floor when he heard his mother muttering to herself. “God, all I wanted was a quiet, obedient child. Is that not too much to ask?” 

Ren paused. A quiet, obedient child? Then his mother would be happy? His knuckles prickled. If that was all he needed to do, then it was easy. He slowly crept back upstairs, careful to not make a sound. 

It was easy. 


	2. Chapter 2

Acting came easy to Ren.   
The next morning, he quietly dressed and followed his mother as they ate breakfast in silence. Her eyes had bags under their eyes.   
“Are you not going to apologize?” she asked after a breath. Ren looked at his mother. She seemed to have aged ten years.   
“I’m sorry for hurting Yozo. I’m sorry for talking back.” I’m not sorry. He looked up sorrowfully at his mother.  
His mother eased into her chair as he said those words. “I guess you thought about it, right?”  
Ren nodded. He finished the rest of his rice and collected the things for his bag.   
“Are you ready to go?” he asked his mother. He mustered a smile for her. “I want to go to school.”  
“I suppose.” As they got ready, she said, “By the way, Ren, your father will be coming back next week.”  
Ren recalled his stony-faced father, shrouded in shadow. “Oh, okay,” he said. “I can’t wait!”   
As they exited the door, Ren reached up and held his mother’s hand. It was the first time he had done it in several years. His mother didn’t pull her hand away. Perhaps she was finally proud. 

The moment Ren entered the bright, cheerful classroom, Yozo grinned. He strutted over to Ren, who was changing his shoes. His mother was still in the doorway, waiting expectantly. Ren looked up, and flinched. He scrambled to put his shoes in his cubby, making a show.   
“I’m--I’m sorry!” Ren bowed to Yozo. “I’m sorry I hit you!” The other kids in the class paused to watch them. Yozo faked thinking, his hand stroking his chin.   
“That hurt, lame-o,” he sneered below his breath so that the adults couldn’t hear him. “You’ll pay for that later.” He walked away. The classroom slowly brought up their level of chatter.  
Ren straightened, and hugged his mother goodbye. But as he sat in his seat, he couldn’t stop his fist from shaking.   
Suzuki looked from afar, her toy still limp in her hand.

“Ren?”   
It was lunchtime, and Ren sat on the wall bordering the playground, his bento in his lap. He looked down, and to his surprise, it was Suzuki. She seemed tentative, shy compared to the day before. Ren set down his bento and jumped off the wall, sending a spray of sand at his feet.   
“What’s up?” Ren looked over Suzuki. She wasn’t wearing pigtails today. “Are you okay?”  
“Am I okay?” Suzuki scoffed. “I’m fine. What about you, Ren?”  
“What about me?”  
“First, you’re hurt!” She reached for Ren’s bandaged hand. She held it gently. Ren shrugged.   
“You were in trouble. So I did what I had to,” he said. Suzuki frowned.   
“Then why did you lie?”  
Ren’s breath caught. “What do you mean?”  
Suzuki let go of Ren’s hand and punched him lightly in the arm. “I am an otaku, but I am not an idiot. You shouldn’t have said sorry to Yozo.”  
Ren was shocked. He thought he had everyone fooled.   
“Now Yozo is going to keep bullying you. If you didn’t say sorry, then he wouldn’t target you, but you did,” Suzuki said. “But you don’t say sorry a lot. And you didn’t need to say sorry. It was his own fault!”  
Ren silently agreed with her.   
“Why didn’t you tell the truth?”  
Suzuki looked at Ren, waiting. Ren felt his conviction to be faithful to his mother unravel.   
“I...Well…”   
“Ren!”  
“It’s because of my mom!” Ren burst. “I tried to tell the truth, and I tried to do the right thing, but my mom--” Ren clutched the ends of his shirt. “She just wouldn’t listen! She said I was lying. She said I was being a bully, when I wasn’t. I think it’s because this has happened before, but…” He was finding it harder to speak as his vision swam.   
Suzuki tugged Ren’s sleeve. “Don’t cry,” she pleaded. Ren bit his lip.  
“She looks so tired all the time,” he whispered.   
“Ren…”  
“She said she wanted an obedient quiet kid,” he croaked.   
“What does that mean?” Suzuki asked.  
“She wants me to follow directions and not get in trouble.” Ren said. “I just thought--if I was obedient, then she wouldn’t be so tired anymore.”   
Suzuki fell silent after that. They stood there, Suzuki’s hand still grabbing Ren’s sleeve.   
“But you saved me. You didn’t have to, but...I’m glad you did,” Suzuki said. She stepped back and bowed to Ren. “I’m sorry! Thank you!”   
Ren swallowed. His mouth was dry. This wasn’t the first time he had defended somebody, but it was the first time that person had thanked him. Suzuki looked up shyly. “Can we eat lunch together?”   
Still dumbfounded, Ren nodded. He wiped his nose and fetched his bento.   
They sat in the sand, exchanging favorite TV shows and books until the teacher called for them to go inside. Suzuki stood up first, grinning wildly at Ren.   
“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who knew so much about TV before!” she said. “Let’s eat together again tomorrow.”   
“Yeah,” Ren agreed. As he saw Suzuki run back to the classroom, he could feel his heart swell. 

Ren and Suzuki began to hang out more and more often, walking from school together, playing in the park after school. She became the only person Ren felt comfortable with. Anywhere else, he was quiet, conforming. He was exactly the child his mother wanted him to be. At least, that’s what Ren told himself.


	3. Chapter 3

_Fourth Grade_  


Ren hid in the bushes in front of Suzuki’s house. He rang the bell, and he could hear Suzuki scrambling behind the door. “Jeez, I’m coming, Ren! Chill out,” he could hear. The door opened.  


“Boo!” Ren jumped out of the bushes in front of Suzuki, who screamed and dropped her bag. Her face, now hidden behind big glasses, turned red.  


“Ren!” She shoved him lightly. He was dying of laughter.  


“I got you so good! You should have seen your face!” Ren said. He picked up Suzuki’s bag and handed it to her.  


“Suzuki? Is there a problem?” a voice called out from the inside of the house.  


“No, Mom, it’s just Ren!” Suzuki yelled, punching Ren in the arm when he imitated her terrified face. “I’ll be going now!”  


“Have a good day at school!” the voice said. Suzuki shut the door.  


“That was embarrassing,” she said as they began their walk to school.  


“That was embarrassing, wasn’t it…” Ren said, grinning. Suzuki huffed, her tangled and flyaway hair flying up from her breath.  


“Shut up, Ren.” Suzuki seemed to want to change the subject. “So! Fourth grade, huh? This is exciting. I’m so glad we’re in the same class. Maybe we’ll actually read some good books this year.”  


“You mean your manga collection?” Ren teased. Suzuki frowned and pushed up her glasses.  


“Some of the writing is actually good! If we read it in class, I’m sure we’d learn something.”  
Ren smiled. “I just hope there aren’t any stupid teachers. That would be really annoying.”  


“Or stupid classmates.”  


“Or stupid desks.”  


“Or stupid chalkboards.”  


They snickered as they approached the school. Kids were hauling their bikes, waving at their friends, and running around. Ren felt his jaw steel.  


“Hey,” Suzuki looked at him with her big brown eyes. “It’ll be fine. Right?”  


Ren nodded. All he had to do was be with Suzuki, and everything would be fine. It had worked so far. Why not now? Suzuki pushed up her glasses eagerly.  


“Ren?”  


“Yeah?”  


“I have a feeling this is going to be a good year.”  


“Me too.”

They were wrong. 

___________________________________________

It started with small things. Suzuki’s manga would end up in the trash. Her notebooks would have pages ripped out of them. Ren’s lunches would be defiled. _Otaku. Weirdo. Freak._ Then words began to appear on their desks. _Get out of here, lover nerds! Suzuki x Ren, the perfect weirdo couple! The otaku and the freak!_  


“Come on,” Ren would always say to Suzuki. “Let’s wash it off.”  


“What’s the point? They’ll just write it again.”  


And they did. They wrote it again, more and more, adding more slurs and insults. _Die. Die. Die._  


“Hey there, freak, want to wash the floor for me?”  


“Oi, Four-eyes, can you solve this for me? Only the otaku master can solve this one!”  


“What, freak? Wanna pick a fight?”  


“Ooh, are you imagining the freak? Or one of your beautiful anime boys, mwa mwa mwa!”  


“Maybe you should just die, freak. You and the otaku should just make out and die.”  


Ren glared at his classmates, itching to go at it with them. If he could just ignore his parents’ warnings, he would have put a stop to it long ago. 

“Oi, otaku! Weirdo!” a group of Ren’s classmates stormed up to them during lunch. Suzuki and Ren were sitting in the dead grass, now staring up at their classmates.  


“Let’s leave, Suzuki,” Ren stood up. Suzuki joined him, and they began to walk away.  


“Stop right there!” one of their classmates shouted. They grabbed Suzuki’s hair. She yelped as they tugged at it.  


“Stop it!” Ren shouted. “Stop it right now!”  


“Why don’t you brush your hair, otaku? It might be better if we cut it all off!” the classmate jeered. Some of the others laughed as they pulled out scissors.  


“No!” Suzuki shrieked. “No, please!” She tried to tug out of their grasp, to no avail.  
Ren tackled a few of the kids, and they fell, scratching each other with nails and scissors. There were too many of them. His classmates recovered and began kicking Ren, curled up on the ground.  


“Freak! Weirdo!” they yelled. In the distance, Ren heard the _schlock_ of scissors meeting their target. He was pummeled. Shrieks of laughter filled the air. The bell rang, and everyone began to run back to class. Wincing, Ren stood up. His uniform was ruined. Blood dripped from his nose. Suzuki was kneeling, her head in her hands. He stumbled over to her.  


“Suzuki?” Ren asked. He noticed clumps of hair on the ground. He knelt down next to her. She was crying silently. He didn’t know what to say. Her hair was uneven, with some places nearly bald and others left untouched. Ren saw Suzuki’s glasses and picked them up. The frame was fractured. He held them out to Suzuki, but she didn’t take them. She stood up on her own and walked back to class in a daze. 

After school he knocked on the door of the teacher’s room.  


“Come in,” he heard his teacher say. She was leaning back in her chair, extinguishing a cigarette. “Ren. Why haven’t you gone to the nurse?”  


Ren didn’t answer.  


“Well, you’d better go home. It’s another day of school tomorrow. Don’t want to be late,” she said.  


“Why didn't you do anything?” Ren demanded.  


“Huh?” She looked straight at Ren with hooded eyes. “About what?”  


“About Suzuki, teacher,” Ren said.  


“It’s a shame, that Suzuki. If only she had brushed her hair. Maybe she wouldn’t have been in that situation.”  


“What--Why didn’t you help her? I want the bullying to stop!” Ren shouted. His head pounded. “Can’t you stop the bullying?”  


“The truth is, Ren, there isn’t much I can do about the bullying,” she said with a sigh. “Why don’t you and Suzuki try to keep yourselves from being targets? That would help.”  


Ren couldn’t take it anymore. He bowed and exited the room, trying not to slam the door as much as he wanted to. 

He slowly opened the door to his dark house. He had handed Suzuki’s glasses to her at her house, but she took them without even looking at him.  


Ren looked into the fridge, hoping for a snack to maybe lighten this terrible day.  


“What happened to you?”  


Ren cursed silently. He turned around to see his father sipping coffee and reading the newspaper at the dinner table.  


“You’re here early today, father,” he said. His father grunted. He was a wiry man, with hardened eyes and graying hair that was always slicked back with a gel that tasted bad. Ren had tried it once as a toddler.  


“It’s a Saturday. You should know that work days are shortened on Saturday.”  


“Oh, okay.” _But this is almost the first time I’ve seen you._ Ren moved to escape up the stairs.  


“I asked you what happened.”  


Ren paused. He debated telling the truth. “I...tripped.”  


“Tripped.”  


“Hard. I was running, and I tripped,” Ren said. “I’m sorry.”  


“You’ll be washing that by hand,” his father said, nodding toward Ren’s dirty uniform. Ren nodded. “And comb that hair, for God’s sake.” He folded his newspaper and stood up from the table to leave the house to God knows where.  


Ren’s hands trembled, but he clenched them. This world was never fair to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ay yo so it's been six months since I've last updated, but I think I'm going to try and update every week until this story ends, so stay posted! :P Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Ren rang Suzuki’s doorbell. Her mother opened the door. She probably thought she hid it well, but Ren noticed the look of disgust on her face before plastering on a smile.

“Ren! So nice to see you!” she said, wiping her hands on her apron. “How are you?”

“...I’m good,” he said. “Is Suzuki there? It’s time to go to school.”

“Ah, yes, Suzuki…Suzuki is sick today, Ren.”

“Oh.” 

“I’ll tell her you came to visit, but you’ll have to walk to school alone today. Sorry about that.” 

Ren knew it wasn’t sickness, but he nodded and left for school under the clouds. He hoped she was okay. 

\-------------------------------------

Ren made it to the classroom. He walked as fast as he could, but he couldn’t avoid them. “Hey look, it’s the freak without his counterpart, guys,” one of his classmates, Saburo, jeered. His straight hair was gelled into spikes. He was one of the kids holding scissors the other day. Those same scissors were on the desk he was lounging on. “Where did your girlfriend go?”

Ren clenched his teeth.

“Was she too embarrassed to show her ugly face? Let me guess, it was the hair. It just complimented her face too good!” He laughed, and others joined him. “I’m glad we did that. Now we don’t have to see her ugly face! What are you gonna do, now, Ren?” 

Ren whipped around and punched him in the nose. 

The class went into an uproar. Desks screeched back as Saburo, perfectly gelled hair now ruined, pulled up his sleeves and raised his fists. His nose was bleeding. Ren did the same. He threw another punch, this time at his Saburo’s stomach. It missed, and he launched a fist into Ren’s cheek. Ren and Saburo flailed, kicking and scratching each other. 

“Whoa, whoa!” Their teacher finally came into the room. She pulled Ren away, who was straining against her arms. 

“Take that back! Take all of it back! You’re all assholes!” Ren cried as the teacher pulled him into the teacher’s room. The classroom he left fell into a hushed silence. 

“Mr. Amamiya! I hope you know that this is not acceptable behavior!” she said, horrified. “I’m calling the principal and your parents. Wait here.” She rushed out of the room. Ren slid to the floor, empty. _This is it,_ he thought. _This isn’t fair._

“This is a serious offense, Amamiya,” the principal said. Ren was sitting in his office, silent. His mother was in the seat next to his. His father was absent. “I hope you understand that.”

Ren didn’t respond. He studied the carpet pattern, noting the many stains on it. 

“A broken nose is nothing to ignore. Attacking first, too.”

Ren snapped his head up. He was provoked! They attacked him and Suzuki first!

“This requires a Katei-kinshin, as you could expect.” The principal sighed, taking his glasses and cleaning them on his cloth. “One week.”

“One week? With all due respect, sir, my husband and I are very busy with work, and we have no time to supervise him for a week,” his mother said. She was still in a business suit and a bun, her outfit for work. “Why not just...give him more work during school?”

“Once again, Ms. Amamiya, it’s a serious offense. He can’t just go to school. He needs to think about what he’s done. Maybe he shouldn’t have punched a classmate in the first place to inconvenience you like this.” The principal looked sternly at Ren. “I am very disappointed, Ren. I thought you were bet--”

“This isn’t fair!” Ren shouted. He jumped to his feet and slammed a hand on the desk, making his mother and the principal jump. “They were bullying Suzuki and me all year. All year, and yesterday, they cut up Suzuki’s hair! What did you do? What did the teacher do? Nothing! You did nothing! This isn’t fair! He got what he deserved!” 

The principal’s face darkened. He stood up slowly, towering over Ren. “This attitude is far from acceptable, Amamiya. You’ll have two weeks for that smart mouth of yours.”

“Ren?” his mother asked. Ren’s heart plunged to his feet. “Get your stuff. You’re going home.”

Ren didn’t move.

“Now.” 

Ren reluctantly left the office. He heard the principal’s muffled voice: _“That child is a problem, isn’t he?”_

_“You have no idea.”_

Ren walked past the nurse’s office and saw Saburo. He was holding tissues up to his nose. Saburo saw Ren, too. He pulled his eyelid down and stuck out his tongue. Ren frowned and hurried past him. 

Once he collected his things, he met his mother outside the school. She was stony-faced. 

“We’ll have some talking to do once we get home, won’t we?” she asked. Ren stayed silent. 

\--------------------------------------

Ren holed himself up in his room once they got home. At first glance, his room was devoid of personality, with a white bed, gray sheets, and a singular empty desk. The only thing that suggested that someone lived there was the rumpled uniform on the floor. Ren fell on the bed. His father wouldn’t come home until late, so he had time to mentally brace himself. He pulled out his cellphone and punched in the numbers for Suzuki’s phone. 

_“Hi there, this is Suzuki Tajima! I can’t be at the phone right now, so please send me a me--”_

Ren closed his phone in resignation. He wanted to be the one to tell Suzuki what had happened, but he supposed that that was too much to hope for. He curled up and shut his eyes. 

He heard the front door open at half past nine at night. Ren slowly got up, wincing from the cramps in his neck. He crept down the stairs, staying in the shadows so that his parents wouldn’t see him.

“First the funeral, now this,” he heard his father say. “I hate it when it rains.”

“Are you going to talk to him?” his mother said. 

“Who?”

“Your son, Satoshi.”

“Isn’t the mother supposed to be doing these kind of things? Besides, he’s a lost cause. I don’t care about him. Do we have drinks in the fridge?”

Ren heard the clink of a bottle being pulled out of the fridge. 

“Where is he, anyway?” his father asked. The fshh of a bottle opening. 

“Sleeping, probably,” his mother said. “What do we do about that kid?”

“We should never have had children,” his father said. “Waste of time and money.”

“Don’t say that. I’m sure he can get better with time.”

“With what, picking fights? Trust me, Eiko, once a kid acts a certain way, they act that way for the rest of their lives. It’s not our fault that he keeps hurting other kids.”

“Shouldn’t we tell him to stop?”

“You’ve told him to stop before. Did he?”

“He did…”

“Or was he just hiding it?”

The house was quiet. Ren’s mouth was dry. This situation felt eerily similar to a time years ago. 

“I guess we could tell him to stay in line. It would be futile, probably. But I guess it’s better than nothing,” his father finally said. “I’m going to bed. Good night.”

“Good night…” his mother said. Ren realized his father would be going up the stairs and scrambled to his bedroom. Once in his bed, he heard the heavy footfalls of his father past his door and stared blankly at the wall. Why did no one believe him? Notice him when it mattered? The only one who believed in him was Suzuki, and look how well that turned out for her. At least, through everything, she’d still care about him. 

Right?

Ren lifted his pillow and slammed it on his head.


	5. Chapter 5

Ren returned to school after two weeks. His two weeks consisted of sitting in his room and staring at the ceiling. He barely went out.  


When Ren entered the classroom, the first thing he saw was Suzuki in the back of the classroom. Her hair was cut like a boy’s. She was talking to some of the other girls. Ren tried to get her attention, but she seemed to be too engrossed in the conversation.  


Ren sat in his seat, uneasy. Why did it feel like everyone grew a centimeter over his absence? Why did it feel like he was missing out on one big joke? If anything, he was relieved to see Suzuki again. He was afraid she would never come back.  


“Welcome back, everyone,” the teacher said. “Please pull out your English notebooks for practice.” Her hooded eyes met Ren’s, and she sighed. She resigned to her desk. Ren brought his notebook out and began the practice, trying to ignore the burning stares on the back of his neck. 

\---------------------------------------------

“Suzuki!” Ren yelled, running down the hill to the picnic area. When lunch arrived, he was one of the first to leave the classroom. He didn’t want to be attacked by Saburo and his friends again. She was sitting and eating with the girls she had talked with before class started. Ren faltered. She had never eaten lunch with anyone but him before. Suzuki saw him and stood up. She seemed to talk to the other girls and then walked to Ren.  


“Suzuki! I’m so glad to see you again,” Ren said. “Come on, let’s eat lunch together!”  


Suzuki gave a small smile. “Sure.”  


They sat in the same spot they used to, under one of the trees. Ren looked expectantly at Suzuki, but she was oddly quiet. Ren’s face fell a little.  


“Look, Suzuki, I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry about the bullying and I’m sorry about your hair and I’m sorry for punching Saburo--”  


“It’s okay,” Suzuki said quietly.  


“Yeah. Are you...okay?”  


“Uh-huh.”  


“Look, as long as we’re together, we can go through anything, right? Just you and me, against the world,” Ren said hopefully. “What happened happened, but now we can move on, right?”  


“Sure,” Suzuki said. “Of course.”  


Ren expected a wave of relief to know that someone was still with him, on his side, but it never came. Instead, they just ate their lunches in silence. He waited for Suzuki to talk about the latest manga installation, or the newest episode that she had watched, but there was nothing. Not even about her new friends. Ren was too afraid to ask about them. 

\-----------------------------------------

The rest of fourth grade and part of fifth grade passed like that. They still ate lunch together. They still walked to school together, especially when the heavy fog began to appear in town. Sometimes Suzuki would even bring up an episode that she enjoyed that week. But their conversations were dry. Devoid of any substance. It felt like Ren and Suzuki were playing roles, acting whenever they saw each other. Acting like friends.  


Ren refused to see it, though. He’d ask if he could come over, or play something, but Suzuki would always decline, saying that she was busy. He’d pretend to have fun, until he began to avoid her, too, because the interaction would just be too painful. _Next time will be fun. Next time we’ll do things like we used to,_ Ren would think.  


The break passed without a word between the two of them. 

\---------------------------------------------------

Ren gazed out the window. Rain was beginning to fall again, dripping on the glass. The teacher called out at Ren.  


“What did I just say, Amamiya?”  


“What?” Ren looked at the writing on the board. Nothing. It was the first day of school since the summer break. “Uh…”  


The teacher sighed. “Please pay attention. I can’t have people slacking on the first day back from break.” She moved on, talking about future field trips and the lot. Ren tuned her out, a more pressing matter on his mind. Suzuki didn’t walk with him to school today. He had gone to their house and no one answered.  


When the bell rang, Ren went to find Suzuki, who was in a different class this year. He approached her, amid her group of friends. Her glasses were gone, and her hair had lengthened out to her chin. She looked happy. Happier than Ren had seen in a long time. She never looked that joyful with him.  


“Suzuki,” Ren said. He was a few meters away from her. Suzuki must have heard it. She ignored it.  


“Suzuki,” Ren said again. He was waiting for Suzuki to turn around and light up when she saw him, and they could be together again.  


Instead, Suzuki turned her head. A flash of guilt crossed her face at seeing Ren. Ren motioned to go, so that they could eat.  


She turned around and began talking again like nothing happened.  


Ren’s insides turned cold. He couldn’t breathe. He sat back in his seat. There were words of a murder being tossed around, but Ren could barely hear. His gut feeling was right all along. He was alone. Again.


	6. An Encounter

_A few months later_

At the end of another drab school day, Ren heard Suzuki tentatively approach him. 

“Um...Ren? Do you want to walk home together?” Suzuki said. She looked out the window. It was pouring. Fog made it difficult to look outside. 

“Wow...It might be better to stay in here, huh?” Suzuki said, sliding the desk chair next to his out to sit on. “We can wait until the rain stops.” 

Ren stood up, his chair screeching against the floor. He shouldered his bag and left the room faster than Suzuki could call for him. 

The rain was pouring harder than ever, and Ren had forgotten an umbrella. He ran, squinting to see the ground before his feet, but he could barely make out shapes. A hole in the road got him. He tripped and dove toward the side of the road, tumbling down a hill. He ate mud and rainwater, somersaulting as the long grass tugged and cut his skin. He finally landed in freezing water. Ren’s head spun. Damn. His mother was not going to be happy about this. 

“...we should be heading back in! This is ridiculous, fishing at a time like this--And we should be restin’ up right now! At this rate, the Midnight Channel’s definitely going to--” 

“Hey, look! There’s a kid in the water!” 

“What the hell?” 

Ren heard two people run up to him. He was still too dazed to make any sense on what was going on. He felt himself being lifted out of the water. 

“Hey, hey!” One of them snapped their fingers in front of Ren’s face. “Are you okay?” 

“He’s cut everywhere. We’ve got to clean them,” another said. “My house isn’t far from here. We can dry your clothes there, too. Can you walk?” 

Ren snapped to attention. He jumped to his feet and moved the hand out of the way. “I’m fine, thank you.” He realized they were two high schoolers. They were holding fishing gear. One had brown hair, and the other...had silver hair. Strange. 

“Really, I insist,” the silver haired one said. “It’s not a bad thing to accept help sometimes. I promise we’re not the serial killers.” He smiled. It felt like the first genuine one Ren’d seen in years. “What do you say?” 

Ren nodded slowly. It wasn’t like he wanted to go to his own house anyway. 

“Yosuke, the umbrella,” the silver haired one said. The brown haired one, Yosuke, handed him the umbrella, and he took his bike as they walked to the silver boy’s house. 

“I’m Yu, by the way. Yu Narukami,” the silver haired boy said. 

“Ren Amamiya,” Ren said. 

“Cool name,” Yu said. Yu and Yosuke talked about things Ren couldn’t understand. Ren could only notice the way they were comfortable around each other. 

They reached the house, a place not too far from Ren’s own. They went inside, pouring out water from their boots and shaking the umbrella. 

“Wait there,” Yu said. He ran upstairs and brought back a shirt and shorts. “This should do for now, right? We can dry your clothes by the heater. Actually, we might want to wash it too…” Ren looked down at his muddy sleeves. 

“Where’s Nanako, Yu?” Yosuke asked. He was sitting by the heater, shivering. 

“She’s at a friend’s house. She’ll be there until the rain goes away,” Yu said. Ren gingerly took the clothes and excused himself to the bathroom. 

Ren dried himself in the bathroom. His cuts stung, and mud was stuck to his face. He was a mess. He was lucky to have those guys find him. The clothes were most likely Yu’s. It hung big on Ren, but it was comfortable, much more than the stiff and dirty uniform. 

Ren came out of the bathroom. Yu was sitting on the couch, but Yosuke was nowhere to be seen. Yu noticed him and stood up. 

“You don’t look too shabby, if I do say so myself,” Yu said. He took the dripping clothes out of Ren’s hands and dumped them in the kitchen sink, running them under the water. He noted Ren’s confused face. “Are you looking for Yosuke? It’s quiet without him, isn’t it? He had to leave. Part-time job and all.” 

Ren stood in the middle of the living room, uneasy. The air of the house was warm. Clutter filled the shelves, but it wasn’t distracting. There was a table, a chabudai, in front of a television the size of a bulletin board. 

“Go ahead and sit down. Make yourself comfortable,” Yu said. “Would you like something? We’ve got coffee, juice, and tea.” 

Ren slowly sat down on the sofa, still taking the room in. “Coffee, please,” Ren said. 

“Coffee, eh? Would you like it with sugar or cream?” Yu asked, putting on the kettle. Ren glared at him. Yu smiled. “You got me. Dojima and I both take it black. We don’t actually have sugar or cream.” 

Ren sat in silence as the water rinsed his clothes and the coffee machine whirred. He wondered how his mother would react, sitting in the house of a stranger. 

Yu took Ren’s clothes and laid them on the heater. He sat next to him. 

“What were you doing out there?” Yu asked. “It was no condition to be playing in the water, wasn’t it?” 

Ren held his hands above the heater. “I tripped,” he said. “That’s all.” 

“Makes sense,” Yu said. He handed some antiseptic to Ren. Ren took it and dabbed some on his worst cuts. He didn’t want to go back to school, or home, or anywhere. It felt like a safe haven in this house. Yu got up and poured coffee for the two of them. Ren cupped the mug in his hands, inhaling the aroma of the drink. 

“You look troubled,” Yu said. Ren looked up, surprised. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Is something bothering you?” Yu asked, sitting down on the couch next to Ren. He looked concerned. 

“I’m fine.” 

Yu lifted a brow, and leaned back into the couch. “The rain won’t go away for a while, you know.” 

Ren let the mug down. This guy wouldn’t get off his case. Would it kill him to be less nosy? Despite those thoughts, Ren decided to open up. 

It was easy to talk to him. Before he realized, Ren had talked about everything, from his parents to school to his friend. “What do I do? I don’t know how to act anymore. I want to stay true to myself, but it feels like the world doesn’t want me to.” 

Yu seemed deep in thought. “The world’s against you, huh…” He glanced outside. The rain was beginning to ease up. “I used to feel the same way.” 

“What?” 

“Not exactly, of course. I had to act, too. I felt like I had to hide my true self in order to be surrounded by people. To not lose them. Then again, I don’t think that not being lonely is your first priority.” Yu laughed sheepishly. “But I think you know what I mean.” 

“I was eventually surrounded by people, sure, but I was more isolated than I had ever been. I had no meaningful connections. My parents are very workcentric—they’re the reason I’m here in this town right now. I felt like people just had me around because I was there. You know, the feeling that they wouldn’t act any different if I weren’t there. I didn’t know who I was. 

“Then I came to this town. And a few became my friends. Really good friends. We went through hard times together, and now I don’t think I can imagine my life without them.” Yu took a gulp of coffee and sighed. Ren was staring. Yu smiled and set his mug down. 

“It’s cheesy, I know,” Yu said. “But it’s true. The right people came into my life, and I felt like myself again. I’m sorry if it feels like I’m preaching, but...the right people would be willing to like you for who you really are. Staying true to yourself...it’s worth it.” It felt like Yu was talking to himself at this point. Ren watched him intently. Had anyone opened up like this to him before? 

“Anyway!” Yu stood up and gathered Ren’s clothes. “It looks like the rain stopped.” Ren took his clothes and changed in the bathroom as quickly as possible. 

He brought Yu’s clothes out and handed them to him. 

“Thank you for the coffee,” he mumbled. 

“No problem. Get home safely,” Yu said. Ren was halfway out the door when Yu called him. 

“Ren?” 

Ren turned back. Yu smiled, a smaller one than the last ones. 

“I’m glad I met you.” 

Ren faltered. “I—I’m glad too.” 

“Something tells me we might meet again.” 

Ren nodded and shut the door behind him. He walked slowly back home, cementing the smell of Yu’s coffee in his mind.


	7. End of a friend

Ren was lying in bed when the doorbell rang. It was the Sunday after, with both parents out of the house, and he rubbed his eyes and trudged downstairs to the door. 

“Who is it?” he yawned. 

“Hi Ren.” Suzuki was standing in front of him. 

“Suzuki,” he said, lethargy vanished. “What are you doing here?” 

“Um… I’m here to return a few things,” she said, avoiding his gaze. She was holding a box. Her nose was pink from the morning fog. “Can I come in?” 

Ren stepped aside to let her in. She was wearing new clothes, a stylish peacoat, and black shoes that weren’t falling apart. Ren never saw her with clothes like that before. She even had a little barrette in her hair. 

“Do you want anything? I have juice, or coffee,” Ren said. He still stood in the doorway, watching Suzuki place the box on the uncleared dinner table. 

“I’m fine, thank you,” she said. She sat at the table, gingerly moving the plates to the side. Ren closed the door and tidied up, placing the plates in the sink and picking up the magazines and newspapers strewn about on the floor. He could feel Suzuki’s eyes on the back of his neck. 

“So how are you?” Ren asked while he picked up newspapers. 

“I’m good,” she said. 

Ren tossed them all in the recycle bin. “Did you watch the new Featherman episode?” 

“Hm? Oh, right. No.” 

Ren’s hope withered. Whatever she was here for, it wasn’t going to be good. 

When he sat down in front of Suzuki, she pushed the box toward him. “I want you to keep these.” Ren opened the box, and in it were stacks of Suzuki’s manga. Ren’s face grew hot. 

“Why? I can’t take these.” He pushed the box back towards Suzuki. “They’re your favorite books.” 

“No, you should take them. I don’t even...like them anymore,” Suzuki said. “Yup! I don’t like them. So you should take them.” 

Ren gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to say anything, but he had to. “I get it. You just don’t want your new friends to make fun of you.” 

“What?” Suzuki tried to make a perplexed expression. “That’s totally not what I--” 

“Think about it.” Ren met eyes with Suzuki. “You ignore me since the school year starts, not even looking at me, and then you come to my house with your books that you’ve loved since you were four. What is going on?” 

Suzuki bit the inside of her cheek. Her eyes were red. 

“Why are you ignoring me, Suzuki?” Ren asked, softening his tone. “I miss you, you know.” 

Suzuki frowned. “That’s the thing, Ren. I don’t, really.” 

“What?” 

“I don’t miss you, Ren. I know that’s not good, and that it’s hurt you, but I just don’t miss you.” 

“Oh.” 

“I don’t miss talking to you or being around you. Actually, it’s been better not talking to you. I made new friends who like me and no one bullies me anymore. After the break, I was free, you know? No more people teasing me about the otaku or the freak. I was just Suzuki.” 

“Then why are you here? Why are you giving your manga to me?” 

“That’s not important.” 

"That is important. You apparently wouldn’t talk to me if you didn’t have to bring your manga here.” 

Suzuki stayed quiet. She was insistent on not looking at Ren. 

“Are they telling you to get rid of it?” Ren asked. Suzuki shut her eyes tight. He stood up and the table shook. “Come on, Suzuki! I thought you were strong in what you stood for. And now you’re doing anything your so-called friends say?” 

“They are my friends…” 

“Yeah, right. Real friends wouldn’t tell you to get rid of the things that you love. What happened to the fearless kid who wasn’t afraid of showing what they loved, the one who told me to stand up for myself, no matter what? What happened to her, huh?” 

“They grew up!” she yelled, and Ren stepped back. She looked at him, eyes brimming with angry tears. “They grew up, okay? Look at what happens to us when we stand up and fight.” She grabbed at her hair, still a little choppy. “It’s my fault when you try to stand up for me and get in trouble for it. Every time you got hurt or something it was always my fault because I told you that you should stand up for yourself. The manga I read is wrong. Standing up for yourself doesn’t do anything but hurt you, okay? So just take the box. Please.” Suzuki gestured for a tissue, and Ren held the box for her as he sat back down. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Suzuki, who was now pressing tissues into her eyes. Ren understood. Suzuki didn’t want to get hurt anymore. She didn’t want him to get hurt anymore either. She was like Yu, wanting to fit in and be surrounded no matter the cost. Ren looked down at his lap, guilty. It was equally his fault for getting Suzuki hurt too. 

Suzuki was lost to him. That was for sure. He was sure that they’d never be friends to the same level that they used to again, but Ren still wanted to help her, whatever path she decided to go. And who knew? It was doubtful, but maybe Suzuki really had found the people that she deserved to be with. At least they wouldn’t hurt her as much as Ren had. 

“Okay, I’ll keep it,” Ren said. Suzuki sniffled and crumpled up her tissues. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. She managed a smile and shook her head, trying to rid herself of her sadness. She stood up and began to put on her shoes. Ren followed her to the door, watching her fumble with the buckles. He missed the ratty sneakers she used to have, but what could he do now but to help her? 

“Where are you going now?” he asked. 

She paused. “Oh, um… I’m going to hang out with friends at Junes. Do you… Do you want to come?” 

Ren smiled. He realized that whatever she would say wouldn’t convince him to come back to her either. She had chosen the path that made her wear a mask, and she wouldn’t take it off. Maybe that mask made her happier, like Yu said. He put on a mask too. 

“No, it’s okay. Watch out for the serial killer, I heard he likes, um…cabbages, and there are cabbages at Junes. He might snatch ya.” he joked. Suzuki giggled. “That makes no sense at all, Ren.” She left the house, beginning to walk down the street. “Oh wait. Suzuki?” 

She turned around. He could barely see her face in the fog. “What?” 

“Why did you want to walk home with me last Friday?” 

“Oh, that.” She shifted her weight. “My friends were all busy, and I needed someone to walk home with. You know, the serial killer and all.” 

“Ah, okay.” Ren didn’t let Suzuki see his face fall. 

“I’ll see you later, Ren.” 

“Yeah, you too.”


End file.
